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Monday, April 18, 2016

My Little Breath

Yesterday was a great day. We went to church and heard an amazing message then went to have quiet time at Local Coffee. I brought with me the book Anything by Jennie Allen and boy, oh boy was her message for me.

There have been a lot of things on my heart recently. I feel like I am filling too many cups with 100% of myself. I am running in circles and getting exhausted. All while this is going on, I am trying to seek out what my purpose is in this beautiful life (something I have been praying over for a while). Our lives are so short. Little breaths that come and go faster than we expect. My thought on this is what do I want to do with my little breath? How can I make my world so small and my God SO BIG in this short amount of time?

Everything I do and say needs to point people back to God. In reading Anything, Jennie wrote, "Time is almost gone. Our lives are only spent well on him and whatever stories he has written for us. What are we so afraid of losing?" You know when you read something and it was like it was written just for you?

So often I think, "Oh, I'll figure it out in a few years" or "I can't do that yet because of our bills, our house, our stability, etc.". I am so afraid of losing these Earthly things that I am creating road blocks for myself.

I have always known that my purpose in life has something to do with serving God. Let me rephrase. I have always known since college that my purpose is to serve the Lord in some shape or fashion. I have yet to feel like I am living it out, but what I do know is that I selfishly have made other things larger in my life.

I pray often, sit and be still when I think about it, and try to speak the word when I am around faith-filled people. I feel very exposed as I type this. Like I am showing a huge wound that has been hidden. I am so passionate about the Lord and serving him, but have not created the discipline to make him the largest piece of my life. It hurts so much to say that.

I am on a path of looking back on my life and asking, "what did I do with my breath?" This needs to change. My time needs to be devoted else where. I need to make so many things tiny, so that all I focus on, all I do is pray, serve, worship, and love our beautiful, jealous God.

I need your prayers, support and love. I need people to help hold the *rope with me. I know that that is the purpose of my life. To be the living, breathing Bible to all those who know and need Jesus. Jesus owns the entire world but yet has no physical address. He wants to make our hearts his home and he is chiseling away at other idols in our lives to make that happen for us.

He is there meeting me half way with arms stretched wide, just waiting for me to give up my Earthly desires. As Jennie wrote, "We are looking for this life to matter... So we keep busy, so distracted, so in love with everything but our invisible, patient, jealous God."

That statement makes me hurt because I know it's true. And it's time to make a change.

*In church this past weekend, Pastor Newton spoke on Mark 2. How four friends brought their paralyzed friend to the feet of Jesus. Jesus had just returned to Capernaum and a crowd had begun to gather around the house Jesus was in. These four friends wanted their paralyzed friend to see Jesus so badly that they dug a hole in the roof of the house Jesus was in and lowered him down to Jesus' feet. They all cared so deeply about their friends well being that they all held an end of the rope to help lower him down. We have to all help each other hold the rope. Our purpose in life is to help lead others to the feet of Jesus and spread His word. 

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